I write this post as I listen to my best breakup mix of all time. Compiled in 2006, damn was it good. Listen below to one of my favorite breakup songs of all time. It’s slow starting, you might have to skip an ad, but it makes me smile every time…
Today I’ve got breakups and endings on the mind. This week I’m dealing with an ending and loss at the studio and it’s so much like a typical breakup it’s surprising. Some things I’ve learned through the years…
They’re difficult. There is no way around that. One person usually has to be the one to call it, be the bad guy, give up the flat screen TV in the ensuing divorce and splitting up of “things”. Feelings of attack and hurt run amuck. I wonder makes a breakup so easily activate the “pain body”? The term “pain body” comes from Eckhart Tolle the author of The Power of Now and A New Earth, two of my favorite spiritual books of all time. He supposes the pain body is the negative part of us that causes us to say things we don’t mean, react in ways we don’t believe in, almost like an ego response, if you will. Isn’t that what comes up with breakups?
When endings are happening you feel a pit in your stomach, you sometimes want to lash out, and afterwards you feel fatigued and easily upset. Breakups are like relationship chemo therapy. They kill lots of good along with the bad. You have to throw up afterwards and smoke a big joint just to survive it. Or maybe just watch the entire series of Sex in the City or Veronica Mars with unlimited queso dip. It’s like smoking a television joint.
Rather than wallowing in the coulda, shoulda, woulda I opt to think about the big picture this time, the results, the down the road. I am lucky, I realized years ago that every breakup/death/loss I went through always led me to something better down the road. EVERY TIME. Even if it’s so hard to understand what that good is in the moment of the breakup. I believe the light at the end of the tunnel can be there for anyone committed to the yogi path, committed to continual growth, evolution, and learning (see SDY’s Core Values for more of what I’m committed to). And even while you feel the gut feeling, feel attacked, overwhelmed, upset, resentful, you can take a breath and step back and remember this fact. I try to send love and positive mojo whenever I feel upset about any part of it all. It’s so easy to focus on the “why” and “it’s not fair” and “life’s not fair”. But as my dad often said, “who said life is fair?”.
I look back on some of my breakups and I can always find something to be grateful for. Grateful that someone else made the choice that I didn’t have the heart to make. Grateful that I had the strength to be honest with myself about what works in my life and what doesn’t. Grateful for each amazing moment with each person. I guess it’s normal to feel attached to the good and lash out at the world a bit when you think it will be no longer. We are only human.
So back to the studio. I am committed to creating and maintaining Smiling Dog as an amazing yoga space and community for those who need it, want it, for those it feels right to. As I learn how to become a business owner and leader in my little yoga community I am humbled and taught so much each day. I know that serving Smiling Dog is exactly what I should be doing right now. And I guess that’s the bottom line. I ain’t goin’ nowhere. (That was Detroit-Rouge-Roxy talking to you).
Back to Vernoica Mars 😉