This is the first of five posts on a recent yoga teacher training with Shiva Rea which left me renewed in my love of yoga, myself, and Ayurveda.
I survived my first day at Renewal and the Inner Fire – A Yoga and Ayurveda Teacher Training for the Spring Season at Exhale in Venice Beach, CA with Shiva Rea. As I showed up for our first session at 6:30am a little bit of reality sunk in. “If Shiva is calling it an Advanced Teacher Training, I might be in trouble”, I thought. Her level 1 classes regularly knock me on my ass so I wondered what I was thinking signing up.
This morning’s practice was what she called a Vira Prana Flow and was a simple vinyasa practice that included Pincha Mayurasana, Sirsasana, and some Khalari sequencing that wasn’t accessible to my former office dweller hips. I’ve been sharing bits and pieces with my classes (thumb hooks with fan hands, lasya side bend, and handstand, handstand, forearm stand!). It was a great practice, but I could feel how bone tired I was. We were asked to share our current challenges in our lives and I immediately thought of my new baby, still in it’s infant stage, Smiling Dog Yoga. I don’t regret taking on the leadership role at Smiling Dog Yoga, but I was bone tired from it this day. I started working on the transition about 10 months ago, and before that my grandma had passed away. I have been running in overdrive for about a year. Nevermind the fact that my last full time job was stressful too. So when we started sharing the challenges we are facing I almost started crying just thinking of it all. And that struck me as something to take notice of. I have a tendency to not cry and just deal, so it was relieving to allow myself to feel overwhelmed. It helped me to notice that I was not alone by any means: stressed mammas, people going through dramatic career, relationship, and life changes, and even a few other studio owners with much worse issues than I’ve got going on.
Anyone who knows me or has read this blog knows that I highly recommend taking time to yourself to reflect and renew. I don’t know why I temporarily forgot this fact. I realized that I’m afraid of my new job a bit and it’s totally normal to have a little fear. I’m afraid I won’t be able to pay myself and therefore support my basic needs. Owning a yoga studio is bringing me face to face with my fears surrounding money and work. I was also noticing this day how interesting it is that I don’t have a problem teaching and supporting people on a large scale but I can’t do so for my immediate family. It’s hard for me to ask for support or to take it where offered. It is hard for me to do what I need to do to feel truly supported.
I was pooped after day 1, but in a good way. The kind of yoga induced exhaustion that sends you to bed feeling like bliss. I made a commitment to myself after my first day of training to start saying NO more often. We’ll see how it goes.