Roxy Yoga

why am i such a hard ass August 25, 2009

I recently attended a yummy yoga workshop with Jason Crandell at Smiling Dog Yoga in SLO, CA.  It was 3 hours a day over the course of 3 days.  He was very knowledgeable, had a dry sense of humor which was just my style, and had such a patient and honest demeanor. He told us why he practices poses a certain way and emphasized that he doesn’t necessarily think that other methods/styles are bad, he’s just not drawn to them.
This was one of the first times that I didn’t push myself too hard in a workshop or training. I admit I am a lover of eyeballs sweating, physically challenging yoga. At my first teacher training with Baron Baptiste, I was faced with my tendency to wear myself out and push just a little too hard. I will never forget how sore I was after my first day of training with Baron, I almost cried getting back on the mat on the 2nd and 3rd days. I almost drowned trying to swim in the ocean after being so physically exhausted. I don’t blame Baron for this at all and really enjoyed my training with him and will probably continue to train with him. I just realized how much I can push myself past my healthy edge without realizing it until it’s too late and I’m injured, physically or emotionally. I suppose I am lucky and young enough that my body heals itself relatively quickly…so far. In my regular practice I have better learned what that healthy edge feels like, but give me the opportunity to practice 3+ hours a day, I lose touch with my limits.  I’m not sure if it was Jason’s teaching, or me having more yoga experience, probably a little of both, that really let me enjoy practicing and learning during his workshop, without extreme fatigue or pain.  Probably having a little more physical strength didn’t hurt either. I really appreciate the opportunity he and Lisa provided for me to be physically challenged in such a nourishing space.

This workshop coincided with life in such a way that I noticed just how little patience I have in general.  I noticed my mind reeling about telling me I needed to take control of my life right this second and I noticed my heart telling me to take space and not worry about labels or outcomes.  I noticed my mind being frustrated.  My impatience isn’t an obvious one, but it definitely encourages lots of subtle mindless chatter and negativity.  It encourages me to make rash changes and run from life in the quest for control.  At least I noticed it this time.  I smile at my impatience. I have started meditating more, 30 minutes every morning and am trying to in the evenings as well.  Every time it comes up, I smile, and it has helped. Interesting to say the least.

So, I will try to be more patient with myself and my life situations   May you as well…

Oh, I am thinking about doing a meditation retreat sometime next year. It sounds scary and liberating.